Separation and divorce don't always have to end up in acrimonious court battles. Sometimes, they both start and finish with one of history's oldest dispute resolution methods: negotiation.
Unlike litigation, these informal discussions don't have to follow any hard-and-fast rules. They can take place in a lawyer's office, across the kitchen table or even through email. They may conclude in a single session or over a series of meetings. At the most basic, they require only some plain talking, a handshake and ideally, a written agreement at the end.
Why Negotiate?
Negotiation – if done correctly – is usually the quickest and cheapest way to settle matters at the end of a relationship. No court fees. No long wait for a trial date.
It also affords ex-couples the greatest degree of flexibility. The parties can call their own shots on the process and the outcome rather than surrender their fate into the hands of a judge.
Even if nothing else is accomplished, parties typically exit with a better understanding of each other's position before escalating matters to the next level.
Come In Prepared
Although spouses can engage in self-directed negotiations, each party is wise to seek his or her own independent legal counsel. Conducting a strategic negotiation and walking away from it with a fair arrangement requires solid knowledge of legal rights and responsibilities – as well as some negotiating savvy.
For example, the law allows ex-spouses to sign away certain legal rights, but not others – ok for spousal support, but not for child support. Without such knowledge, the parties may sign their negotiated agreement, but discover later that a court will not enforce its provisions. A legal advisor can pierce the issues to determine not only what's permissible, but also what's reasonable, fair and advantageous.
An experienced lawyer can also serve as a cool head, a steadying hand and a more objective lens for perspective – no small advantage if stresses escalate and tempers start flaring.
When Negotiation May Not Work
Setting aside the advantages, negotiation is not always suitable for everyone – even as a first step. Negotiations require a proper foundation for success. In situations where there is a history of abuse or intimidation, one party is withholding vital information or a parent poses a flight risk with the children, negotiation is best bypassed.
But in many other cases, a well-conducted negotiation can be the springboard that lets separating parties settle matters and move on more quickly with their lives
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